About six years ago my mother started hanging around and dating some guy she worked with.
I still haven’t met him, but I can’t say I’ve heard much to make me a fan of the relationship starting with the fact that he lives with another woman – his long-term girlfriend (pre-dating my mom) and they’re not in some sort of open relationship.
So I already have a dim view of the whole thing.
Then I noticed she had started growing her hair out.
She hadn’t had long hair in over 20 years, so it was a change. And that’s how I chalked it up. Maybe she wanted a change of pace.
But then she told me she had made a promise to this guy that she would grow her hair out and wouldn’t cut it, and she didn’t want to disappoint him.
For whatever reason, that didn’t sit well with me.
And I said so. Not that my opinion mattered. So I shrugged it off and went about my life.
Now she’s living with me, though, and guess what she did? She cut her hair short. She really fought it, though. Now, she didn’t do it as an act of independence but because she had damaged her hair from dying it. Cutting it was the best option. But the whole time she cried about how upset he would be. This struck me as weird. Big deal. Grow it back out. He’s a grown man who can get over it. Still not my business, though, so I kept my opinion to myself.
She cut if off then she comes to me to tell me about how he saw her updated profile picture and told her how he has a theory on women with short hair: that they are bad partners who aren’t willing to take care of their homes or their partners.
When she shared this you could tell this hadn’t been some joke in poor taste, but an intentional dig that had her second-guessing herself. I can only guess he was annoyed that she broke her “promise”.
So I hate this guy.
I don’t have a good relationship with my mom. She drives me nuts now that she’s living with me. I was never supportive of this set up she has with him. Regardless of my reservations about her, though, I just straight up dislike him now. I no longer need to meet him to decide that. Judgement fully passed.
I think it’s fine to have certain preferences. Before I thought he just preferred long hair and she was trying too hard to please him. Still, I don’t think another person’s preferences should dictate things like how you wear your hair…or how you dress, or who you hang out with, or what your hobbies are…you get the idea. Now, I think he’s more in the realm of “emotionally manipulative douche”.
If she wants to continue on with him then that’s her business, obviously. I just hope she doesn’t expect my impression of him to turn around at this point.